Free yourself: Let go of the grudge

OK, so you were grossly offended by a “friend,” family member or co-worker. It could have been last month, last year or too many years ago to count.

Every time you think of it, you are angry and stressed all over again. It’s not easy to let go of hurts and offenses. It’s not easy to forgive, but according to the Institute for Behavior Therapy in New York, here are some of the reasons you should.

Your health. There’s a connection between anger and stomach upset, heart problems and skin conditions, to name a few associated health conditions.

Overcome your false beliefs. You think that when you forgive, you will have to trust that the other person will not hurt you again. But forgiving frees you from an uncomfortable situation. As far as trust goes, the other person will have to earn it. Forgiving is not a sign of weakness but a sign of strength. It’s a sign of character that most people respect.
You may think forgiving is letting the other person get away with it. By this time, he or she knows that behavior will not be tolerated.

What if you don’t really feel like forgiving? Do it anyway and let your emotions catch up with your actions. You have to give up the belief that people will act the way you want them to.

You don’t have to forget the injury in order to forgive. You’ll forget a wrong faster if you forgive it first.

Forgetting is often the result of forgiving, say experts.

Lead up to forgiveness. If you aren’t quite ready to forgive, write a letter to the offender. Make it real and honest. But don’t send it.

Bury the grudge. Write out the thing you are so angry about on a piece of paper and bury it in a pot of soil. Decide that for three months you will act as if you have forgiven the other person.

It’s therapeutic and it works.