Dos and Don’ts of Witnessing Domestic Abuse

Witnessing or suspecting domestic abuse is never easy—but how you respond can make a powerful difference. Whether it’s something you see in public or signs you notice in someone close to you, knowing what to do (and what not to do) is critical for everyone’s safety. Here are important guidelines to help you take action in a safe and supportive way.

First and foremost, don’t ignore your instincts. Domestic abuse often goes unnoticed because it happens behind closed doors. If you sense that something is wrong, trust that feeling. Being alert and aware is often the first step toward helping someone break free from a dangerous situation.

If you believe someone is in immediate danger, call 911. You don’t have to know every detail to make the call, and you can remain anonymous. Law enforcement officers are trained to assess and de-escalate volatile situations, and your report could prevent serious harm—or even save a life.

While it’s natural to want to help directly, don’t try to confront the abuser yourself. This can escalate the situation and increase the risk of harm to both the victim and you. Instead, focus on supporting the victim in a safe and respectful way.

When the situation isn’t urgent, consider checking in with the person privately. Express your concern without pressure. Simply letting them know you care and are available to listen can create a safe space for them to open up when they’re ready.

Avoid blaming the victim or questioning their choices. Leaving an abusive relationship can be incredibly complex—and sometimes dangerous—without the right support. Your role is to listen with empathy and avoid judgment. Even small signs of compassion can help someone feel less alone.

If the person is open to it, offer them resources. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7 at 1-800-799-7233. Local shelters and support services can also provide counseling, housing, and legal guidance. Many victims are unaware of these resources, so having information ready can be incredibly helpful.

The Phoenix Project is our local resource – visit their website for more information.

It’s also important to protect the victim’s privacy. Don’t share details of the situation with others, even if you mean well. Public discussions can increase the danger for someone in an abusive situation and can deepen the trauma they’re already facing.

If it’s safe to do so, make a record of what you’ve seen or heard. Writing down dates, times, and observations can be useful later on, especially if the victim chooses to seek legal help. Your documentation could support their case and lead to real consequences for the abuser.

Above all, remember that offering support doesn’t mean solving the problem on your own. You’re not expected to be a counselor or a police officer. But by acting thoughtfully, speaking up when needed, and guiding someone toward professional help, you can be part of the solution.