Sam I Am and the Plot Against the Library

I was sitting in my library late one night reading my favorite book — Green Eggs and Ham.  As I turned the page, a sheet of paper fell out.  I read it:

  Dr. Dick’s Library Takeover Playbook

1. First — Stop all direct communication with Samuels library. There is no need to coordinate or cooperate.
2. Shut off the county maintenance on the library building. This tactic usually works for landlords trying to evict tenants with valid leases.
3. Conduct an internal library study, but do not allow the library to participate or directly comment on the results (see note 1). Never mention banning books – the magic word is “accountability”.
4. Say that the study found financial problems, but do not provide any specifics for budget savings or improvements (see note 1).
5. Hold open hearings for a county library board and give the appearance of listening to hundreds of library supporters. Say that the silent majority of voters support the board.
6. Establish a county library board and stack it with 5 book ban supporters. Be sure to mention that this is a routine thing. Every county has a stacked library board.
7. Inundate Samuels library with multiple Freedom of Information Act requests. The county already has many of the documents, but this will keep Samuels from doing real library work.
8. Find a for-profit company that can provide the most basic library services for the lowest possible cost. Don’t worry about the quality of service.
9. When the Samuels Library Board of Trustees points out that their current budget request is the same as the for-profit contract, it will become obvious to everyone that the issue has never been about the budget.
10. When the vocal majority votes for library candidates in June, it will become clear that Warren County wants to keep its world-class, award-winning library. But by then, it will be too late. The new contract can be signed, and the Samuels library public/private partnership will be finished.

I woke up in a cold sweat.  Could this nightmare be true?  It seemed so real.  Then I realized it was just a bad dream.  A book ban supporter could never have left something at my library.

Sam I Am
Warren County’s award-winning library of the year

As told to Bill Grewe while volunteering at the Samuels Library used bookstore store

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