Are you carrying the ‘mental load’ in your relationship?

The mental load refers to all the thinking, planning, and organizing you need to do to manage your life and that of those dependent on you. Unfortunately, it’s a burden that falls disproportionately on the shoulders of women in many relationships.

The burden of remembering
Carrying a mental load involves more than doing chores. It also includes the responsibility of remembering and delegating the various tasks that need to be completed. Depending on the household, this can range from planning meals and scheduling appointments to making sure your kids don’t need new clothes and that you’re not about to run out of toilet paper.

If the mental load isn’t shared equally in a relationship, one person takes on the additional responsibility of reminding their partner to complete chores or keep tabs on the state of the household.

How to share the load
One way to determine how much of the mental load you carry is to write up a list of the tasks you complete during the day and throughout the week. This list should include all planning, delegating, and organizing. Ask your partner to create their own list and then compare it with yours. This exercise can help underscore what tasks are required to manage a household and reveal whether one person is taking on more responsibility than the other.

It’s not always easy to broach the subject of mental load in a relationship, but if both partners are open-minded and willing to make changes, the burden of remembering can be distributed more equally.