The Cracked Acorn: Aussie Humor

Somewhere in my notes, I found these, enjoy:

Remember, if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space.

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.

The fool doth think himself wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool.

It’s better to keep one’s mouth shut and appear stupid than open it and remove all doubts.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

Honesty is often the best policy, but insanity is usually a better defense.

Even if you’re on the right track, you’ll get run over if you just sit there.

If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.

Think negative, and you’ve already failed.

Success in life is a long, hard climb.

Life without a mission is a tremendous omission.

Blowing out another’s candle will not make yours shine brighter.

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost; when health is lost, something is lost; when character is lost, all is lost.

Opinions that are well rooted should grow and change like a healthy tree.

Why do people long for eternal life when they don’t even know what to do on a rainy Sunday afternoon?

If something was worth doing, wouldn’t it have been done already?

Isn’t the hardest thing in life, knowing which bridges to cross and which to burn?

Is it possible that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others?

If quitters never win and winners never quit, who is the fool that said ‘quit while you are ahead?

Why is it that whenever you let the cat out of the bag, you usually wind up in the dog house?

If practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, why practice?

How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you’ve tried some others?

Why can’t we put all our eggs into one basket? Isn’t this just being more efficient?

If too many cooks spoil the soup, then why are two heads better than one?

If the pen is mightier than the sword, then how can actions speak louder than words?

If two wrongs don’t make a right, why is it that two negatives make a positive?

Have you ever stopped to think and forget to start again?

If you think you are indecisive, how can you be sure? Is a conclusion simply the place where you got tired of thinking?

Why do people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices?

What would happen if you had two half-baked ideas at the same time?

If great minds really think alike, then what makes them so great?

Why is it that the harder you try to think, the more difficult it is?

Before Columbus’ discovery, wasn’t it common sense that led people to believe the world was flat?

And didn’t they believe this, despite the Bible in Isaiah 40:22 stating that the Earth is a sphere?

²² It is he who sits above the circle of the earth,
    and its inhabitants are like grasshoppers;
who stretches out the heavens like a curtain,
    and spreads them like a tent to dwell in;