3 questions you shouldn’t ask a transgender person

It’s normal to be curious about transgender people and want to learn more about them. However, certain questions aren’t appropriate to ask and can make the person feel uncomfortable. Here are three to avoid.

1. What was your birth name?
Many transgender people don’t like to share personal details about their life before they transitioned, including their birth name. This may be due to an association with painful memories, or simply because they want to leave that part of their life behind and focus on being their true self. Be respectful, and use the name the person has chosen.

2. Have you had surgery?
Like anyone else, a transgender person likely won’t feel comfortable sharing personal details about their medical history. When you ask about a transition-related procedure, you’re essentially asking the person to describe their genitals. Consider how you would feel sharing that information in a similar situation.

3. What bathroom do you use?
Most people feel uncomfortable answering questions about going to the bathroom. For a transgender person, this topic might also be associated with experiences of harassment or even violence. In general, transgender people use the bathroom that matches the gender they live as or in which they believe they’ll be safest.

Before you ask a transgender person a personal question, consider whether it’s because you need to know certain information, such as their pronouns, to respectfully interact with them. If you’re asking simply because you’re curious, turn to online resources rather than put the person on the spot.