‘Praise’ for interim town manager’s vision of a new ‘Rock-land’ devoid of life

We owe our “temporary” Town Manager a special “thanks” for getting rid of those troublesome trees. Green, leafy, alive – clearly they were a menace that had to be immediately addressed. Even more so now that they would have changed to all of those hideous colors. I know that the vast majority of people on Front Street or walking the formerly titled “Greenway” are now glad that they have an unrestricted view of the beauty of the flag shack at The Flea Market.

Always Mr. Safety, he eliminated the omnipresent threat of some child going down and looking for crawdads – unless the kid is a professional mountain climber. No more will a dog being taken for a walk, go down for a cool drink from clear water. No sir, we can’t have that terror lurking around. Instead, the water will be a robust chocolate color devoid of anything living. He got rid of that by allowing a backhoe to drive down the middle of the now “not so Happy Creek” pretty much crushing everything.

Now, he doesn’t have to worry about the Tourist Board. I mean, if you’ve seen one muddy bank, you’ve seen them all. Tree Stewards! Bah Humbug. Besides, he alleviates that boring Isaac Walton Stream Survey. Nothing but very hardy mosquitoes will live there now.

Royal Examiner File Photo

We could have renamed the creek “Rockaway Run” but instead thought “Tederick’s Trench” more appropriate. Yep, without those frightening plants, we will be able to hear the water surging half-way down Main Street.

Permits? We don’t need no stinking permits. We’ll just make them up after improvements/damage is done. Don’t cut any trees bigger than 4”. Come on, you know you just can’t control yourself once that chain saw starts up.

Why the hurry? Matthew always is looking out for our safety. He is preparing for a rainstorm that according to his personal weather bureau, will undoubtedly drown most of the Valley. I must admit, I gave him extra credit for coming up with that one.

It will be beautiful! No doubt – maybe if you lived in a DMZ. Rip Rap is always such a warm expression of Nature. Note to Mr. Tederick, make sure you remove those loathsome “Tree City” signs. Maybe we should now call the town Bedrock. And to the other sobriquets about our “Little Town” now add: “Place that Nature is a nuisance and must be removed”.

Fred Schwartz
Warren County, Virginia