‘Send lawyers, guns and money – dad, get me out of this’

“Hello, American Bar Association, we are running out of lawyers here in Front Royal, could you send about six or seven? We need to sue the Town. For what you say? Don’t know yet, but they are about to have a meeting, and that always brings out the lawyers. Who will pay? Well, the citizens of course.

My oh my, what a week we have had. First, there was the sexual harassment lawsuit – much more to be said; questions about the FOIA process; our stunning NBC TV-4 D.C. News moment; how the new Vice Mayor was picked; and over on the County side, Tony Carter’s meltdown.

Let’s start with NBC’s TV-4. Nice shot of Main Street, but the rest was pretty embarrassing. But hey, we’re used to that. I don’t think we should name a street after Trump, but name the Afton Inn, the Trump Tower. It’s broken down, abandoned, an eyesore and the Republicans want to keep it as is. And what a guy to recommend it. Mr. McFadden correctly opines: “If you don’t think it is a good idea – don’t vote for it. If you think it is an issue, express that in the work session. It’s good government. And in a County where 67% of the population voted for #45 – I’m not sure you need to go on the offensive against bad press on this one.”

Note, Mr. Lloyd is also trying to grow a beard just like his fellow Council members, Tederick, Meza, Holloway – but Mr. Napier strangely has not joined the hirsute-challenged crowd. Neither has Letasha or Lori. I am pretty sure Mr. McFadden will not, but then again, he doesn’t seem to be one of them thar Ole Boys (good for him). But more on “them” later.

The FOIA industry. Here is where I get confused. I pay taxes, lots of taxes. I thought those taxes pay to make the government work. You know, like answer questions. Mr. McFadden has it right.

The figures don’t add up. But you see, what Mr. McFadden doesn’t realize is that none of the figures add up, ever, for anything. Don’t be harsh with the New Guy, he is a Marine after all, so it takes them a little bit longer to catch on. He will get it, eventually. Correct answer: believe the Town Attorney. He has psychic connections with laws the normal person will never understand, and only he can ever decipher them.

So, we had to appoint a Town Vice Mayor. Nothing against Mrs. Cockrell. I am certain she will do a great job, whatever that job is. But here is the rub, she was picked, according to Mr. Holloway and the Town Attorney who disemboweled a sheep and read the entrails and said “it is NOT a tradition”. Hmm, now I don’t want to start a problem, but what is the tradition – that Mrs. Thompson, who volunteered as the senior member, should not be chosen? Wonder what the difference was? I mean, Meza volunteered and was chosen as was the previous vice mayor, so was Magic Matthew who couldn’t stop himself from volunteering – constantly.

Well, so much more to discuss but I am limited on space. But there was one more. Tony Carter’s much-publicized public meltdown. Carter watchers saw it coming. He wasn’t happy with the other members of the Board of Supervisors. I mean, they axed his best friend and confidant; then his private “no conflict of interest, I can represent both sides of an argument” attorney Whitten took a powder; and then they took away his county insurance monopoly. So he pouted and didn’t show up at meetings and then attended only half of an off-site one. Well, the other Supervisors went on with their responsibilities and started changing and adding policies, and then had the temerity to say “Tony, you should have stayed”. With a flourish of papers, he essentially said “I don’t like you and don’t want to spend eight hours with you”.

Maybe some anger management courses are in order or maybe Mr. Carter should resign, like the petition said, so he doesn’t have to play nice and attend the meetings.

Stay tuned, NBC 4 is on the trail of the Happy Creek destruction, the Meza appointment, etc. Maybe I could convince my ex-wife’s lawyer to sue somebody (other than me).

Fred Schwartz
Warren County

(Headline with a musical nod to Warren Zevon)