Caring For Yourself While You Grieve

Eat something.

Drink some water.

Take a short walk.

Try to get some sleep.

Those may sound like ordinary parts of an ordinary day. After the death of someone you love, however, even basic routines can become surprisingly difficult.

Grief doesn’t affect only emotions. It can change sleep, appetite, concentration, and energy. Someone who normally cooks every evening may have no interest in food. A person who regularly exercises may struggle to get off the couch. Sleep may come too much, too little, or at all the wrong times.

During bereavement, taking care of yourself doesn’t have to mean following a perfect wellness routine.

Sometimes it means doing the next small thing your body needs.

Give Sleep A Little Structure

Grief can be exhausting.

At the same time, it can make sleep difficult.

Someone may lie awake thinking about the person who died or replaying events surrounding the death. Others may sleep much longer than usual and still wake up tired.

Maintaining some consistency can help.

When possible, try going to bed and getting up at roughly the same times each day.

A quiet bedtime routine may also make the transition to sleep easier. Reading, taking a warm bath, or doing another relaxing activity can give the mind and body a signal that the day is ending.

Be mindful of caffeine later in the day, particularly if falling asleep has become difficult.

Alcohol can seem tempting when someone is grieving because it may initially make a person sleepy or temporarily dull painful emotions. But alcohol can disrupt sleep and create additional problems, especially when it becomes a regular way of coping.

Daytime naps can also interfere with nighttime sleep for some people.

If you’re tired during the day but aren’t sure you need to sleep, consider stepping outside for a few minutes instead. A short walk and some daylight may be enough to break up the day without requiring a major effort.

And if you do need rest, rest.

Grieving isn’t a contest to see who can return to a normal schedule fastest.

Eating Can Become Another Chore

Grief can change appetite in either direction.

Some people eat more.

Others realize at the end of the day that they’ve barely eaten anything.

Cooking can be especially difficult after losing someone you shared meals with. Even sitting at the table may bring back memories.

During this period, concentrate on making nourishment manageable.

Meals don’t need to be elaborate.

Simple, easy-to-prepare foods may be more realistic than expecting yourself to cook the way you did before the loss.

This is also a good time to accept help.

If a friend or relative says, “Let me know if you need anything,” give them a specific job to make the offer useful.

Ask for a meal.

Ask someone to pick up groceries.

Invite a friend to eat with you.

If several people want to help, they might coordinate meals for a few days so you don’t have to think about cooking.

Remember hydration, too. Keeping a glass or bottle of water nearby can provide a simple reminder to drink throughout the day.

The goal isn’t a flawless diet.

It’s about making sure your body keeps getting what it needs during a time when ordinary routines may take much more effort.

Start Small With Physical Activity

If you exercised regularly before a loss, you may not feel ready to return to your old routine right away.

That’s OK.

Start smaller.

A 10-minute walk is still a walk.

Walking to the mailbox counts as getting outside.

So does going around the block with a neighbor.

Physical activity doesn’t need to be intense to give you a reason to move, get fresh air, and break up long periods spent alone indoors.

Small goals can also feel less overwhelming.

“I’m going to exercise five days this week” may sound impossible.

“I’m going outside for 10 minutes” may feel manageable.

You can decide what happens next after the 10 minutes.

Don’t Forget Other People

Grief can make people want to withdraw.

Sometimes solitude is exactly what a person needs.

But extended isolation can become a problem, particularly when someone stops interacting with the people who care about them.

Socializing doesn’t have to mean attending a party or pretending to be cheerful.

It can be sitting with a friend.

Taking a walk together.

Watching a movie.

Having coffee.

Talking on the phone.

You don’t even have to talk about the loss every time.

Some days you may need to tell stories about the person who died.

Other days you may want to talk about anything else.

Both are reasonable.

Combining social contact with another activity can make getting out easier. Ask a friend to walk with you, meet for lunch, or join you for an errand.

Sometimes having someone expecting you is enough to get you out the door.

Lower The Bar When You Need To

One of the hardest parts of grief can be accepting that your normal level of productivity may temporarily be unrealistic.

Concentration can be difficult.

Memory may feel unreliable.

Simple decisions can become exhausting.

A task that normally takes 20 minutes may take an hour — or wait until tomorrow.

Give yourself some room.

Instead of thinking about everything that needs to be done, decide what truly needs attention today.

Eat.

Take necessary medications.

Drink water.

Care for children or pets.

Handle an urgent responsibility.

Everything else can wait.

You’ll have time to rebuild routines.

Know When To Reach Out

Grief can produce powerful emotional and physical reactions, but concerning or worsening symptoms shouldn’t automatically be dismissed as “just grief.”

Talk with a health care professional if you’re worried about major changes in sleep, eating, weight, substance use, physical health, or your ability to function.

Mental health professionals and grief counselors can also help when emotions feel overwhelming, or grief continues to interfere significantly with daily life.

If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or feel that you may not be able to keep yourself safe, seek immediate help. In the United States, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call 911 for an immediate life-threatening emergency.

Take The Day You Have

Self-care during grief isn’t about quickly returning to the person you were before someone died.

Loss changes things.

Some days will be better; others will be difficult. A routine that works today may feel impossible tomorrow.

So adjust.

If you can’t manage the long walk, take the short one.

If you don’t want to cook, eat something simple.

If the whole week feels overwhelming, concentrate on today.

If today feels overwhelming, focus on the next hour.

During grief, taking care of yourself doesn’t have to be complicated.

Sometimes eating a meal, answering a friend’s call, and stepping outside for 10 minutes is enough for one day.