Three Ways to Turn Holidays Into Your Favorite Time of Year (And Three Survival Tactics if They’re Not)

3 ways to turn holidays into your favorite time of year (and 3 survival tactics if they’re not)

When was the last time you heard something good about the holidays (besides sales on things we mostly don’t need and which inflation has made more expensive than normal prices four years ago)? Between mental health warnings about winter, airline travel delays and cancellations, politics being WAY too present in our lives, and envy from other people’s social media holiday posts, it’s easy to walk into this time of year looking to survive it all.

Well, I’m here to tell you the opposite – that you can choose to have a great holiday season as a father and a human being. And, yeah, you will definitely have some hard days, so have a few survival tactics handy.

Side note: I’ll admit up front that embracing the symphony of my family is easier than most. My wife and I have a great relationship and love our five kids. Additionally, our extended families are amazing, so the worst drama we’ve ever faced over the holiday is the occasional guest who roots against our football team (thankfully, the Bills didn’t play on the holidays this year). And we’re fortunate that neither of us or our kids has mental health issues.

For the rest of you mortals, here’s how to turn cold, dark days into the best time you’ll have all year.

1. Avoid social media. It’s all fake, anyway – and social science is clear that stepping away from comparing yourself to others is really healthy. So is engaging in the reality of your family and friends and your own life.

2. Embrace the chaos. I have five kids, six and under. That means a lot of asking for many gifts – all at the same time – and many invitations to family members up to two hours away. And when we arrive at family members’ homes, we risk getting plowed over Gulliver-style by all the relatives rushing to give hugs.

We’ve learned to enjoy every minute of it by turning gift requests into games, crazy shopping trips into family dinners at the kids’ favorite restaurants, and annoyances at the 15th request for the cheap toy into love for how much fun our kids have on Christmas morning.

3. Be grateful. This is a season of gratitude, but it can be hard when I’m traveling for work, and the baby keeps my wife and me from getting a decent night’s sleep. So, my wife and I have implemented a gratitude practice to keep our eyes on the ball of what God has given us. We’re grateful that I have a job and we can afford to raise five kids. We’re grateful for our health and for each other. And, yes, we’re even grateful for Grandma’s redundant sweater gifts year after year – she puts a lot of work into them, and they really are beautiful, even if they do take up a lot of space in the closet.

Again, not everyone has the circumstances that allow me to embrace the chaos and be grateful. So, here’s how to survive if you’re having a tough time.

1. Be kind to yourself. Holidays are great, but not everyone is an extrovert like me. Or, perhaps you have a relative you really don’t like, or maybe you have some social anxiety. Take the time and intentionality to be kind to yourself! That might be as fast as taking five minutes to yourself to get some fresh air and get your heart rate down. While some might prefer sneaking out with a double scotch – which might be ok, it’s a holiday after all – having a piece of sugar-free chewing gum is actually shown to calm nerves and anxiety. Or you could go for a run, like my cousin… but man, I personally would rather rewrite my economics thesis than ruin a perfectly good holiday with exercise.

2. Take the high road. I have a background in politics, but family life should never be about one-upmanship or scoring points at all costs. So when my mom decided to go gluten-free – and thereby end our access to grandmother’s five-star stuffing – I didn’t throw a fit. Instead, I decided to eat it with a smile and use my goodwill as a bargaining chip for a less ugly sweater at Christmastime. (Okay, so I’m acting like my six-year-old. Sue me.)

More seriously, Taking the high road is easy in my family. For those who have it harder, choosing to put a challenging relative’s happiness over cheap points may simply be a sacrifice that makes the holidays a better experience for everyone – and helps you grow in new, amazing ways.

3. Create new memories. This may be especially relevant for people who recently lost loved ones or for whom holidays are triggering because of childhood abuse. Therapeutic practices like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and EMDR can help reduce the impact of bad memories and open mental space for new, good ones. Intentionally creating new memories can help set a foundation for positive holiday seasons going forward.

Look, we’re all going to have a tough day or 10 in the next month. I often find myself missing younger, more carefree days, so I try to relive the past in a healthy way by chucking a roll at my kids every so often. If my wife catches me, I’ll do the dishes for her – an act of service! Everyone wins! And if the kids really become too much, we might offer a calming distraction – nothing complicated or expensive, just something simple like sugar-free gum or a preview helping of cranberry sauce . . . or we usher them outside so I can dive in and relive my glory days of high school sports before I pull a hamstring.

The human condition is imperfect, so show everyone – including yourself – the love we all deserve. Even the annoying relative who can’t seem to cheer for the right football team or the right political party.

And chomp down on that chewing gum with the satisfaction of knowing your kids were at least raised right as Bills fans.

Mike Feuz
Winchester, VA