Cultivating resilience in midlife

By the time people reach midlife, they’ve seen a lot, but chances are they haven’t seen it all.

Researchers who study stress and resilience say mid-life is often a time when many people face life changes like divorce, the death of a parent, or a career setback, writes Tara Parker-Pope, author of How to Build Resilience in Midlife. That is when learned coping skills are essential for meeting these crises.

Research has shown that it is possible to take steps during a crisis to aid emotional recovery.

Resilient people are those who don’t wallow or dwell on failure or setbacks but keep moving forward, according to mindtools.com.

One way to develop this ability, according to psychologist Martin Seligman, is to practice optimism. Although one’s disposition towards optimism or pessimism is partly genetic, there are some things that can be done to see life from a sunnier perspective. Resilient people share a set of beliefs, says Seligman. One is that life’s setbacks aren’t permanent, while another is that a failure in one aspect of their lives doesn’t have to impact all the others. People who are able to bounce back after a bad event don’t blame themselves when things go wrong, says Seligman. Instead, they take a more holistic view that includes the circumstances and other people involved.

During a difficult period, it also helps to remind yourself of other times in your life that you made it through tough periods, say researchers.

Remembering how you overcame personal challenges could give you a resilience boost and help you with the practice of yet another resilience builder – reframing your story. The way you explain what the setbacks in your life mean plays a big part in how well you handle stress, the research shows. One Harvard study found, for instance, that students who thought of stress as a way to fuel better performance, not only did better on tests but also managed their stress better.