When it’s time: How to end a friendship

Many of us, say relationship experts, hold on to relationships long past the expiration date.
If a friendship hurts, says Lillian Skye Noble, writing for hercampus.com, it’s time to end it.

Friendships can be scarred by envy or jealousy, or burdened by neediness.

Most people just stop answering calls from that poisonous friend. But this method, while it often works in the long-term, has its drawbacks. In the short term, it can be painful and confusing and leave them without closure.

“It is really important to have an open and honest discussion about the relationship,” says Dr. Suzanne Degges-White, writing for Psychology Today. Dr. Degges-White who advocates for friendships having similar standards to romantic relationships, says that a frank discussion provides an opportunity for you to own your feelings and even acknowledge the good that has come from the friendship.

Recognizing that it is natural to grow out of friendships can help with any indecision or guilt you might feel about drifting away from a friend, says Oprah blogger, Barbara Graham. Citing changes in circumstances like your marital status or a shift in your career goals, as the most common reasons for compromised friendships.

Graham says it is important to acknowledge conflict is the real culprit. All meaningful relationships are likely to be at the source of challenging emotions at some point. Talking it out doesn’t always fix the problem, says Graham. One way to minimize the danger of a defensive response, however, says Dr. Degges-White is to follow the rules of classic couples communication strategies. When you speak to your friend, make use of “I statements,” she says, “and avoid laying blame.”