Dealing with grief: four tips for grappling with loss

Grief is something that needs to be actively worked through. Freud outlined this idea in his seminal essay “Mourning and Melancholia,” and his theory of grief work remains at the core of modern approaches to handling loss. Here are four strategies for actively dealing with grief.

1. Open up to others
Grieving individuals need to express what they’re feeling. Bottling up or ignoring one’s emotions only causes them to fester. For most people, talking with friends and family members about what they’re feeling is the most natural and easy way of unburdening themselves.

2. Express yourself through art or journaling
Not everyone is comfortable opening up to those around them. When this is the case, a person can express his or her feelings in a variety of other ways. Dancing, making music, and painting can all be effective means of expressing grief. Journaling is another method of releasing pent-up feelings, with the typical method being to write down everything felt and thereby identify and explore the full range of emotions.

3. Read books on grieving
Many mourners find solace, strength and wisdom in books in which novelists talk about their experience of loss. There are also books in which experts on grief and grieving provide tools for dealing with a loved one’s passing. Here are some notable ones:

• Levels of Life by Julian Barnes (essay)
• The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (memoir)
• It’s OK That You’re Not OK by Megan Devine (self-help)
• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis (collection of reflections)

4. Eat well and exercise
Self-care is essential when grieving. Eating well, drinking lots of water and exercising regularly will help balance the griever’s mood and improve their well-being. The exercise needn’t be strenuous; stretching, brief yoga sessions and short walks can be a good start.

Actively working through one’s grief tends to be very helpful. However, oftentimes individuals need additional support, guidance or simply a listening ear. In such cases, getting support from a grief counselor can be invaluable.